Seeking Subjects for a Film About Motherhood Outside the “Normal” Parameters

A Note from Staceyann Chin & Tiona McClodden…

“Many of you have already heard about our film, Baby Makes me. For you, this is an update. But for the folks who have not heard Tiona and I are making a documentary together. For years, I have wanted to become a mother. But the timing has never been quite right. Either my partners weren’t ready, or I was scared, or I couldn’t find a donor or something. There was always something. By the time I rolled into 35, I was tired of being afraid, tired of waiting for the right woman with whom it would be the right time, tired of watching every Christmas roll over another Birthday, tired of watching my peers get knocked up and months later appear with the most amazing little bundle of potential—I was tired of waiting and ready to make the leap, and I was ready to make it alone. I began the research with great heart—only to discover that there were little no resources for women who either wanted to, or had to embark on the journey of motherhood in the solo. There were one or two essays and a few books on artificial insemination, and some were even directed at lesbians—but most, if not all assumed that the mother would be operating from inside of a partnership, be that partnership heterosexual or homosexual.

The idea for the film came out of a conversation with Tiona to film the pregnancy/labor, assuming that there would be one—because no one, least of all me, knows if my body will cooperate in doing such a thing as conceiving. I envisioned Tiona asking a couple of heartfelt questions and spinning the light to create a high-end home-movie I could show my child at eighteen. She agreed and we began to flesh out some ideas. That conversation, coupled with the lack of resource material out there spurred the project now known as Baby Makes Me. Baby Makes Me, a feature-length documentary, will explore the challenges and triumphs of Single Motherhood, particularly in the lives of women of color, lesbians and women who make a conscious choice to be mothers in the absence of intimate/romantic partnerships with men.

The film will use as its narrative skeleton, the journey of activist/writer/performer, Staceyann Chin, as she navigates her personal choices with reference to motherhood. Author of the memoir, The Other Side of Paradise, Chin now brings her talents to the medium of film as writer and Executive Producer. The Director, Tiona McClodden, is a champion of promoting positive images of women in media. Her last film, “Black./womyn.:conversations…”, garnered much respect in both accolades and awards. She now brings her attention to the issue of women and motherhood.

It is our intent to interview a series of women from all the demographic cross-sections. Issues of financial, ethical, medical, cultural, and political relevance will be fore-grounded. We hope that clinics, hospitals, families, children of Black lesbians, straight Black women who want children, mothers of gay women who lament the loss of grandchildren when they discover their daughters are gay, and anybody who seeks to have a clearer picture of the family that includes gay women will see that our lives go on, that women who are single, be they lesbian, or Black or poor, can and do have babies, and that we are simply another group of people who live and laugh and grow. We hope to paint the subjects in the film as human and likable characters who, though they are dealing with slightly different challenges than the women we traditionally see as mothers, are not very different from any other group of people considering parenthood.

We are going to need all the help we can get. We need help in reaching out to folks who would like to be interviewed; other single mothers, women who have been inseminated, women who are thinking about it, women who work in the medical field, women who work in the administrative world of policy etc. We are on the hunt for the all the voices that could represent our story in the film. We have recently been awarded a grant from ASTREA Lesbian Foundation for Justice and are set to move forward. We write to you now, in the hope that you will want to be involved in this groundbreaking project in whatever capacity you choose: we need space to host fundraisers and screening and other events connected to the film. We need people to fundraise, to promote the film, to host community talks, to suggest topics for discussion in the film—we need to secure additional investors, we need the help of people who are experts in the business of making films, and we need the counter-perspective of people who have never made a film. We are hoping to make this a community effort; from start to finish we want the ideas to be representative of the various factions in our diverse village of the women who mother our children. If you are sure you are unable to do any of the above, we only ask that you make room for our fliers, questionnaires, invitations, and other promotional materials for the film.

We would be honored if you would join us as we attempt to break more ceilings, level more walls to make room those of us who are too frequently left out of the history and imagination of the world we live in. We look forward to a spirited journey with you, from the opening shot to the ending credits—complete with your name listed among the most stalwart of our supporters. Thanks again to the women who have already offered assistance. We look forward to your being a part of our process. Staceyann Chin Executive Producer/Writer, “Baby Makes Me” Tiona McClodden Director/Producer, “Baby Makes Me” Please send all inquiries and requests to: babymakesme@gmail.com“

Photo “Love Film” by PARANOIA–7

Hear This

Mike was singing “Rapper’s Delight” to our son in the hospital, but until Cavanaugh was a month old, I was too shy to sing to him–even when no one else was around. I have a complex about my voice.

When I was in sixth grade, a group of used to run around school at recess singing soda commercial jingles. “I’m a Pepper. You’re a Pepper. Wouldn’t you like to be a Pepper too?” .

And though my pop-culture-guru/geek husband claims not to remember the fabulousness of Shasta’s early eighties campaigns, we’d belt, “I wanna pop pop pop. I wanna Shasta.”

At some point, one of my friends asked me to stop, because she said I was throwing her off key. The term she used to describe my vocal stylings was tone deaf. Maybe this is an indication of my inexpertise, but are key and tone the same? Shouldn’t it be key deaf?

Tonight, as he was going to sleep, I sang Cavanaugh “Snuggle Puppy” by Sandra Boynton, a book we loved that become even more of a favorite when I heard one of my great all-time teenage actor crushes singing it. (Yep, Eric Stoltz. The others are Alan Alda and Tom Hanks.)  I was lying in the bed nursing my son, singing “Snuggle Puppy,” when I realized I’m not afraid to sing anymore.

I’ve felt so self-conscious of my voice for pretty much all of my life that I don’t sing in the shower (it echoes) and only occasionally let myself go enough that I sing along to music blasting in my car — okay blasting pre-baby; now it’s all at an unreasonably low volume due to the extra bass amp for my stereo system and Cavanaugh’s close proximity to the speakers.

While those of you close to me, those apt to ride in my car for instance, are unlikely to hear me sing anything but a kid’s song, I have healed some singing fear, a phobia I can’t even find the name for (Ideas anyone?). Now, I can at least sing loud enough to hear myself,  and  so whoever happens to be around when Cavanaugh’s in need of a tune can get an earful of my possibly key-deaf renderings of Mah Na Mah Na and the like. Hopefully, Cavanaugh will grow up knowing he should sing when he feels like it and share his voice with anyone in earshot.

Watch/Listen: They Might Be Giants 123s & ABCs

My dad sent the DVD/CD combo discs of Here Come The 123s and Here Come the ABCs to my two-year old for Christmas. We’ve been working recently on teaching Cavanaugh numbers. He’s playing hide and seek and counting “four, six, seven, ten, no peeking, where mama go” so he’s understanding the concept of numbers and counting but doesn’t quite have it down yet.

As an aside, can I just say that his hands over his eyes (peeking through his outspread fingers) is one of the most endearing things I’ve ever seen and I’m so madly in love with my kid that this particular cuteness topping the list means it’s outstanding?

So, I’ve never been a huge fan of They Might Be Giants but I’m loving a lot of the songs and am particularly impressed with a band that makes rockin’ music videos for kids. The art on a lot of the videos is beautiful, the puppets are funny, and Cavanaugh is naming objects as they careen across the screen. Whether you’re trying to teach your toddler concepts or are merely looking for something to occupy your child for a few minutes so you can take a shower, these are discs worth watching. Plus, they come with CDs you can play in the car. I particular like both songs about sevens and the letter songs “I C U” and “Q U.”

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Watch This: Autism The Musical

Just the title Autism: The Musical made me curious. I worry about autism. I think about it when choosing which vaccines to give my son. I have listened to my friends as they search for possible treatments, therapies, and interventions for dealing with autism, when they hope for cures and research schools. When I was a high school teacher and then director of a Sylvan Learnihttp://sonyasf.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=562ng Center, I worked with kids who had autism spectrum disorders. In all of my thinking about or dealing with autism, I never would have imagined autistic kids in a musical. But the Literary Mama review made me want to check the movie out for myself. I loved it.

Any interaction between the kids and Elaine Hall, the director of the musical, made me choke up. She spoke with such respect and love for those kids that she reached through barriers even their parents and counselors couldn’t pass. The documentary by Tricia Regan follows the director and five of the children in the production and includes interviews with the kids and their families plus rehearsal and production footage.

My husband’s comment after the movie is that he’s never been so anxious in his life. Watching Autism: The Musical is simultaneously nerve-wracking and informative. The experiences of people seeking a diagnosis for kids they knew were having difficulties, sharing the challenges they faced as couples, parents, and people in addition to really letting these kids reveal themselves gives a much deeper understanding of autism than most statistics.

The numbers the documentary opens with are plenty scary though. “In 1980, Autism was a relatively rare disorder, diagnosed in 1 iout of every 10,000 children in the United States. It now impacts every 1 in 150 children.” I used to teach 150 kids a day. Though it made for a tiring day, I realize 150 is not that many. The more we understand about autism, the more we may be able to do to prevent it. Watching this documentary is a great step on the road to understanding.

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A Drum Triangle

We recently checked out a Bear in the Big Blue House Dance Party video. They sing and play instruments, dance, and march around. Cavanaugh loves it. He gets so excited by the music, he wants his own instruments. While he was watching the video, he got so excited, he started shaking his jingle bells, but that was not enough music. He found a maraca, so he was shaking bells with his right hand and a maraca with his left. Still, not enough. He picked up another maraca. A purple and a red maraca in the left, bells in the right, he stood on the couch to shake. Pretty soon, he had dismounted to the floor and was turning circles on the carpet, shaking, trying to watch the bears, mouse, lemur, and otter puppets on the television. He could not keep his balance for all the spinning and grooving.

Mike and I took him upstairs where Cavanaugh stood on top of his plastic drum with his drumsticks waving in the air, bending over to hit the drum, wildly gesticulating again. Mike was playing the bongers (picture drumsticks with raquetballs on the end) on the floor. I alternated between playing my lap, the drum Cavanaugh was standing on, and a tambourine. Since Mike’s a drummer and I always wanted to be, being in a drum circle with our son was one of those moments that neither one of us had ever quite imagined, but we kept finding each others’ eyes. What fun! How did this happen?

Cavanaugh can’t quite jump off the ground yet, so when he’s “jumping,” he bends his knees to bounce a little instead of being able to catch air and land. Our three member percussion group turned Stomp with jumping, drumming on the walls, the dresser, and any other surface we could find. When I mentioned later to Mike that our drum circle had been a lot of fun and we should really get Cavanaugh some bongos for his birthday, Mike was opposed to the term. Okay, we weren’t exactly hippies or wiccans under a full moon, but it sure felt like a drum circle to me. I revised my statement: a drum triangle then.